Why Girls Need a Puppy

        Ladies, do you have problems with men? Did you raise and care for a puppy when you were a pre-teen? Very few women will answer yes to both questions for a simple reason; all men are dogs. Now this isn’t groundbreaking news and many will substitute another word that starts with a “D” for dogs, but the dog analogy is more accurate. It will also explain the imperative that all young girls be given a puppy, if they are to develop a healthy relationship with a man.

First, let me solidify the dog analogy. Just like dogs, we men all have different physical appearances. Some are tall, some are short, some are hairy, others have less of a coat. Just like dogs, men are genetically predisposed to sleep, eat, play, and procreate. Now I can hear some women saying, “Oh no, my man is different, he isn’t like that.” Yes, yes, he is. He is a dog. You are confusing a different breed for a different species.

        Different breeds have different traits or instincts. For example, Labrador Retrievers love the water. Border Collies love to herd grazing animals. Some guys love to work on cars and others love to hunt. Just as you can’t be angry at a Lab (who loves the water) for making muddy paw prints on your brand new eggshell, cut and loop carpet, you can’t be angry at man (who loves fishing) for taking his bass boat out on the sixth month anniversary of the first time he said “I love you”.

        Using positive and negative reinforcement, you can train a puppy not to pee inside; the same goes for a man. An unacceptable behavior can be corrected, but it must start at the first occurrence. If you expect your man to open the door for you, the first time he fails to do so, you should stand and wait for him. Some verbal clues might be needed. But, when he does catch the clue and opens the door, some positive reinforcement is required- “Oh, thank you. You are such a gentleman.” Perhaps with a slight brush on the hand, too. Repeat each and every time and soon the unwanted behavior will be modified.

        Just like dogs, we’ll eat strange things (deep fried pork rinds?) and drink from strange places (have you seen some of the bars in the daylight?) So, some care in feeding is necessary. We can be content to go play on our own, but some of your attention is required during play time, especially in the early years. In later years, a little will go a long way. As for procreation, when the urge is present, dogs/men will try to hump anything, so vigilance is required (Hugh Grant and the Hollywood hooker, with Liz Hurley at home, need I say more?)

        So, you can see the great value in giving a girl a puppy to raise. She’ll learn to watch what she feeds it, give it attention, but let it play on its own while keeping an eye on it. She’ll learn how to correct inappropriate behavior and to appreciate the different traits each one has and pick out a breed that best suits her. In short, she’ll gain all the skills necessary to be happy with a man. Or, she’ll get a cat.